Tag Archives: kids

Elmo and Jonah Hill Star In: Mustache Porn (VID)

Elmo and Jonah Hill get their Ron Jeremy on for this episode of Sesame Street. Continue reading

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Gigantic Rude Kid

Man, I hate this kid! I’d give him the what-for if it weren’t for the fact he’s 9-feet tall. Continue reading

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Best Letter from Camp Ever

Somehow the wiener rash disappearance and restraint in saying “eggs” seem connected. Continue reading

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Give Up, This 7-Year-Old Will Defeat You in All Things

You, me, anyone reading this will never have this must can-do, radioactive confidence. So let’s all give up our silly dreams and let this girl be the queen of everything. Continue reading

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My Son Has a Militarized Wiener

My three-year-old son: “There’s a tank in my penis.”

Me: “That’s totally natural.” Continue reading

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New on Cracked: The 7 Most Soul-Crushing Series Finales in TV History

Seriously, if the Dinosaurs finale didn’t screw up your childhood, nothing could. Continue reading

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Scarface as an Elementary School Play

Amazing. So many nuances you don’t get from the script until you hear a 7-year-old do the dialog. The line, “I’ve got a fudging junkie for a wife,” never resonated until this second grader spoke the words. Continue reading

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Scary Toy Commercial – FAIL

It’s both a frightening toy and horrifying commercial. Sleep well. Continue reading

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Things You Should Never Say at a Chuck E. Cheese Birthday Party

“Hey why don’t we skip the pitcher of beer and just set me up with an IV, eh Chuck? Just kidding, but seriously, keep those pitchers coming. Dad’s in some pain and he needs his medicine.” Continue reading

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