Tag Archives: Cracked

Cracked: How The Karate Kid Ruined The Modern World

It turns out training montages are the root cause of all that’s wrong in the world. Continue reading

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New on Cracked: The 7 Most Soul-Crushing Series Finales in TV History

Seriously, if the Dinosaurs finale didn’t screw up your childhood, nothing could. Continue reading

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6 Spectacularly Bad Ideas From History’s Greatest Geniuses

Tesla’s Earthquake Machine, Thomas Edison the Ghost Buster and Flying Tanks. Continue reading

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6 Famous Movie Wisemen Who Were Totally Full of Crap

Sometimes you’ll be watching a movie and an old wise man will appear on the screen. He will say little, but those few words will be full of sage advice that will guide the hero on his journey. You may even find yourself quoting him later.

What is easy to forget is that behind that wise old man is just a hack Hollywood screenwriter, and that those ancient words of wisdom were thrown in on the third draft, at four in the morning, after half a pound of cocaine. Continue reading

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5 Things The Media Loves Pretending Are News

Reporting the news is really hard. We’ve seen those poor guys standing in the hurricanes, trying to hold on to their microphone while debris flies by. And it’s a good thing we have them; blogs and Twitter are nice, but to find out what’s really going on in the world, at some point you need good old-fashioned journalism.

So can you blame a news outlet for using shortcuts and falling into the same old mistakes and cliches over and over again, just to fill space?

Yes, yes we can. Continue reading

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The 6 Most Half Assed Attempts at Corporate Green Washing

For a person, “going green” is as simple as recycling more, wasting less and always, always, always behaving like an insufferable prick in social situations. But for a corporation, “going green” can be a much harder task that costs million of dollars, thousands of hours of manpower and often painful company-wide cutbacks.

Or, they can opt to do jack shit and just spend all of their money and effort convincing the public otherwise. This is what is referred to as “greenwashing,” and it works like this: Continue reading

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5 Clothing Innovations That Will be Annoying You Soon

There are certain inventions that really don’t evolve, and most clothing falls into that category. Sure, styles and fabrics change, but the shirt has been using the same basic design for centuries. A hunk of fabric with holes for your arms and head. It works just fine.

But the world is full of designers and inventors who need to pay the bills, and so they are busy trying to apply the latest technology to items of clothing that really, really don’t need it. Here are the awful fruits of their labors. Continue reading

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7 Great Products for Telling the World You’re a Rich Prick

New article up on Cracked in which I help you to loathe rich people even more than you already do by showcase extravagant cat weddings, $12,000 erotic massages…for your car and a half million dollar dog house with retinal scanner security and 50-inch plasma TV.You’re welcome, collapse of society. Continue reading

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Names of Failed Boxers and Wrestlers

The Pernicious Pincher, Ray “Maxi Pad” Thomas, “Headless” Manny Nelson, James “Down Syndrome” Downy, Bisexual Jackson, Brian “The Test Came Back Positive” Fuller, Fisty McNoFists, Sir Bleeder Continue reading

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