Footloose Remake Trailer – You’ve Been Warned

This really feels like it’s missing a few abstinence vampires. I am glad, however, Hollywood is finally taking on this serious issue. Broadway choreographed crumping and back-flipping is the number one killer of kids.

http://media.mtvnservices.com/mgid:uma:video:mtv.com:666435/cp~vid%3D666435%26uri%3Dmgid%3Auma%3Avideo%3Amtv.com%3A666435

Tags: Movie Trailers, Movies Blog

Wait, this video shows the kids died in a car accident. So why didn’t the city council ban cars? Would have made them the most progressive, environmentally conscious little town in the country. Plus you parents wouldn’t have to worry about your kids boning each other to death as a feeble substitute to relieve their need to dance! Also, why does this little town where every kid is a theatrically trained dancer look like the town from Red Dawn? Small town kids fighting against the commie invasion–with DANCE! That’s the movie I want to see.

Rob Zombie Directs a Woolite Commercial

Because of course he does. And it worked. Very effective commercial. This is the first time I have thought of Woolite (and sweater-admiring serial killers/gimps) in ages. And now I’m going to go right back to not thinking about Woolite. Enjoy the video!

Epic Interview: Jon Stewart on Fox News, “You’re Insane”

Well that does it, I’m officially having Jon Stewart’s babies. Originally I thought we’d just adopt and move to a lovely cottage on the countryside. After seeing this epic interview on Fox News, now I’m willing to take it farther and try to find a way for the man to impregnate me because he is a motherfuckin’ BOSS.

Here’s a highlight:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/06/19/jon-stewart-fox-news-sunday-video_n_879964.html?ncid=webmail1

 

The Human Centipede (with dogs and lizards) as Playground Toy

I’m sure this was constructed way before the Human Centipede came out. Yet it still doesn’t make it any less disturbing. At least the kids are learning something…about, um, science? The circle of life? (watch the Lion King, the whole inter-species excrement consumption subtext is totally there).

 

Source: TheSourPuss

At Last, The First Black Batman

I want to go on record and say I thought Lawrence Fishburn should have been cast as Batman after I saw the movie Event Horizon 14 years ago. Of course his whole zen blowhard kick in the Matrix sequels ruined that idea forever. Also, he sure has fed himself well with all that Matrix money. There’s a lot more Morphius these days is what I’m saying.

Any way, the point is I was calling for a black Batman before black Batman was cool.*

 

*To be fair, Darren Aronofsky envisioned a black, 70’s-style, Batman first in his Year One script. He drove a Lincoln Continental.**

 

**No shit.

Here’s the story.

“That’s What She Said” – Star Wars Style

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God, the Star Wars movies were so filthy. The original trilogy must have been like The Human Centipede of it’s time. From the blog Said That She Did.

Follow the FUN on Twitter.

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Christopher Walken as Santa Claus and Other Awesomely Miscast Roles

Hey Internet Gang! Here’s a fun game for us to play today: Awesomely/Horrifyingly Miscast Roles. Inspired by news that Christopher Walken has asked someone cast him as Santa Claus, let make up our own fun, weird dream casting. Yes? YES! I’ll get it started.

Woody Allen as Hannibal Lecter
Mickey Rourke as Ghandi
Kayne West as Anne Frank

As you can see, some are better than others (Kayne West as Anne Frank? Sounds like somebody is trying too hard). But unlike the Game of Life, there are no wrong answers. So it’s YOUR TURN.

Big Bird and Elmo Will Make Your Kids into Gay Prom Queens, Says Fox News

Finally, someone with the courage to call Big Bird and Elmo out on their “be fair and nice” Liberal bullshit agenda.

Can somebody PLEEZE get me a job writing for Fox News? Their writers are better than 30 Rock’s. Also, this just in, treating boys and girls, black kids and Hispanic kids all as equals is a part of the Liberal Agenda. Sorry about that guys (but not girls, apologizing to you would make us equals and apparently I need to cut that out.

 

High School Student Schools Michelle Bachmann’s Evolution Stance

Since I don’t have the time (or energy) to fix the world, I’m glad tomorrow’s leaders are already on top of it.

From the Huff Po:

“Michele Bachmann, as virtually everyone knows, is currently deciding whether she’s going to make a run for the Tea Party, oops, I meant to say, Republican, nomination for president. What most don’t know, though, is that her educational policies are being challenged by an amazing high school student from Baton Rouge, La. You should get to know this student, Zack Kopplin, and his efforts because he’s likely to make a difference…”

Superman Smokes, Cleans a Toilet

Photographer Gregg Segal put together a great photo gallery of Superhero Impersonators who work the Hollywood Strip. Here are the superheroes at home. It’s not always pretty.

Source: Buzzfeed