This is Probably the Worst Thing I Have Ever Done

So very sorry about this.

All Women Have a Drinking Problem, According to Stock Photography

David Wong pointed this one out. In the world of stock photography, women have the same drinking problem as Ted Striker. Also, I understand you can’t possibly have a photo of a woman drinking something without it being overtly sexual, but exactly how do you sell bottled water by suggesting your water is a refreshing as a cum shot?

Sith Lord Richard Nixon and Brobocop – The Art of Mike Mitchell

I have a new artist crush on the amazing artist Mike Mitchell. And yes, we are totally gonna get a room and get gay married and if you can’t support that then get out of the way! Below is just some of his incredible pop-culture infused work.

America’s Zombie Craze a $5 Billion Industry

It’s appropriate that the only part of our dead economy that’s showing life is the undead. Zombies, it seems, brings in billions. Here’s a breakdown. Reminds me of when Forbes magazine calculated Bruce Wayne’s net worth. There’s a nerd at every finance company.

Avengers Trailer – Full

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Poop, meet pants.

Dr. Seuss – H.P. Lovecraft Mash-Up: “The Call of Cthulhu”

Wow, quite a week for Dr. Seuss fan-fiction. Between this and the Dr. Seuss Sex Ed book, it’s like the guy just died or something.

Source: Dr. FaustusAU/Deviant Art

Yes, the BatBoat Exists and You Can Own It

Hello real-life BatBoat. Get out of my dreams and into my car. No, I know you can’t put a boat in a car. Shut up, dreams.

1,000 Piece Popsicle Bomb Will Explode Your Mind (VIDEO)

I have no idea what a Popsicle Bomb is and I’ve seen this video. All I know is that I don’t have a head anymore because it was blown away by “WHA??????”

Some parents are happy to while away a Sunday with their kids, playing video games and watching Adventure Time. And some parents kick it up a mother fugging notch. Whoever’s dad and/or mom set this up should know their parents are Gods among ants. And as an additional note to my own kids, I would never, ever, ever do this for you, so don’t ask.

Dr. Seuss Writes a Sex-Ed Book

For some reason, the mysteries of sex, lady parts and various squirtings make much more sense to me in Seussian rhyme. It’s nice to know I won’t have to give my kids the “birds and bees” talk; I’ll just shove this book at them.

Steve Jobs: Dead at 56

Steve Jobs died today of pancreatic cancer in an undisclosed location. There’s a “he’s in the cloud now” joke there somewhere, but I don’t have the heart.

I’ve never been a big Apple fan. The cultishness of Apple followers, not to mention the exorbitant price of the machines, turned me off. Nonetheless, the man revolutionized some stuff. After he was tossed out of his own company, he started another (Next) which developed the tools for a new fangled thingy called the “Internet.” He helped start Pixar. While he didn’t invent MP3 players or SmartPhone technology, The iPod and iPhone did make the sci-fi future (I can put ALL the songs in this thing?) common place. Remember the 80’s when Video Phones were a thing, they cost $3,000 and only worked to call other wealthy Video Phone owners (there were twelve in the country, if I remember correctly). Now the guy who lives at the bus stop and swears Satan gave him public lice has one.

He might have been a great guy; he might have been a bastard. Depending on your point of view, he either left the world a better, brighter place or a crappier place where we all sealed ourselves into virtual bubbles and lost the ability relate to other human beings in the physical world.

Somewhere in the world some other 56-year-old man died today. You’ll never know his name. That’s not to trivialize his, or Steve Jobs passing. Just a reminder that whether you change the world or toil in obscurity, we all end up in the same place.