Alex Trebek is Drunk, Drops the F-Bomb

Not much to say here except preternaturally imperturbable Alex Trebek loses it while tapping a segment. Oh, and he loves beer. And he probably hates you. Grown-ups also like beer. Sometimes gorwn-ups drink beer and drive their cars into post offices. That’s bad. Alex Trebek just drink beer and tapes segments for a syndicated game show. Who loses? Just your grandma who has a crush on Trebek’s moustache, that’s who.

Another Trebek fact: he’s a Canadian? Are those two things related? It’s hard to see how, but probably. Let’s be honest folks, grown-ups swear. Alex Trebek is a grown up.

Cracked Article: The 5 Worst Deaths Written for Great Characters (And Why)

Super Boss article (I edited and added funny bits to) up on Cracked. Get some!

Star Wars Propaganda Posters

This is far less about me being a Star Wars fan and far more about me being a fan of propaganda!

My Incredibly Uninformed Opinion on Why Ben Roethlisberger Should Go to Jail

Hey guys (and ladies) welcome to SPORTS CHAT!!!! The place where you mess your pants with the latest sports gossip.

Okay, let’s be frank: I hate inside sports crap. I enjoy watching sports, mostly. I can really get swept up in football and basketball season (sorry baseball, watching you is like watching cultures in a Petri dish grow. Besides, when giant, baby-shaped, 300 pound masses of bloat can excel at your sport, you’re not a sport. You’re bowling. Or a NASCAR fan.).

What I really don’t enjoy is all the behind-the-scenes personal interest stories of pro sports. Are many pro athletes bad people? Sometimes. Are many pro athletes good people? Yep, but I don’t care. The Onion summed it up perfectly with the headline Pro Athlete Lauded For Being Decent Human Being. Famous rich people are assholes or sometimes not assholes. Not a lot of drama there.

New on Cracked: The 7 Most Soul-Crushing Series Finales in TV History

Another article I edited just went up on Cracked. Seriously, if the Dinosaurs finale didn’t screw up your childhood, nothing could.

Betty White with A Flaming Chainsaw on a John Ritter Centaur

Our favorite Batman Vs. Shark Portland artist, Andrew Zubko, is at it again. A local alt. weekly, The Portland Mercury, asked readers to vote on this week’s cover and they chose Betty White, holding a flaming chainsaw, riding a John Ritter Centaur. Obviously. And the Merc asked Mr. Zubko to summon it into reality. What can’t this man do?

also, make sure to check out this interview between Zubko and the kid who inspired the Batman art. Example of a brilliant exchange:

Want My Grotesquely Unqualified Advice on Sex? Sure You Do!

Pro Tip: Always Have A Field of Poppies Handy (for Her Pleasure)

Life is funny. You make enough friends and eventually someone is going to ask you to write a column on the female orgasm. People realize I’m a guy known for painstakingly crafted wiener jokes, right?

Doesn’t matter, my opinion on girls and their mysterious ladyparts, sex pleasures and what-nots is completely valid now that it’s posted on a website somewhere. Nay, my word on women’s sexual pleasure is LAW! So, you want to read it? I actually took the assignment seriously (kind of).

The Time My Dad Took Me to a Tijuana Strip Club

That is not me and my dad. Also, that tree is not a Tijuana strip club.

I was taking a bubble bath when my dad told me about sex.  Without any sort of warning he hunkered right down on the toilet across from the tub and began hurling words like “vagina” and “stimulation” my way as my bubble cover quickly evaporated, leaving me naked and pruny in tepid water.  The awkwardness of this sex talk pretty much set the stage for our relationship on that subject.

Like most every other teenager since the dawn of time, I did not talk sex with my dad much.  Not that he didn’t want to.  It was he who tossed a box of condoms in my lap one rainy afternoon after picking me up at school.  “I can teach you how to get those on,” he told me as I quickly shoved the golden box into the glove compartment and changed the subject.

Though my dad was open to the subject, we rarely discussed sex because I was busy with other things like not being creeped out.  Over time I think my father began to see his drama club son as a prude, and so set out to do something about it.  That is how we ended up in Tijuana.

Greatest Movie Ever!

Nobody kidnaps a shirtless guy who was in Vietnam once. Nobody. Prepare to have your eyes kicked in the balls!

Time to start the Mike Danton facts Meme. For example, the only “Chuck Norris” Mike Danton knows are his testicles: “Chuck” and “Norris.”

Scarface as an Elementary School Play

Amazing. So many nuances you don’t get from the script until you hear a 7-year-old do the dialog. The line, “I’ve got a fudging junkie for a wife,” never resonated until this second grader spoke the words.