Darth Vader Kills George Lucas

All your geek dreams come true…in tattoo form.

Atheists and Agnostics Know More about Religion than Catholics and Christians

According to the exhaustive new survey by the Pew Forum:

The report

Surprised? Miffed? What say you?

(In all fairness, Mormons also scored high.)

Conan’s New Sexy Desk Washing Promo

This is what you want. This is what you’ve always wanted.

Kermit the Frog(s) Perform Queen’s “Under Pressure”

What, the title doesn’t sum it up for you?

Are You Ready for the Evil Santa Claus Movie?

Doesn’t matter, because it’s here. Seems Santa takes this “Naughty or Nice” business to horrific ends. Yeah, they done Santa horror movies before with a serial killer in a Santa outfit, but this here is the real guy and He. Is. Pissed!

Brilliant Business Idea: Jamba Juice…with BOOZE!

My new entrepreneurial idea is so powerful it’ll make your wiener explode! Or fall off. Or fall off then explode. I really don’t have control over that part. All I have is the business idea of the CENTURY!!!!

The Plan: Simple. I stand outside of a Jamba Juice and as people exit with their healthy smoothies I offered them a shot of either vodka or rum, just $2 a pop. Jamba Juice gives you the soy-B-vitamin-immunity boost; I toss in the Joy Boost.

And the name of my business:

Jamba Joose.

That little pop you just heard in your head is a stroke. A stoke of awesomeness. (Awesomeness aside, you definitely should seek medical attention.)

The Problem: admittedly, this is not so much a business as it is just me standing outside Jamba Juice with a fifth of liquor in either hand. Also, not sure how close to the entrance Jamba Juice will actually allow me to operate. Also, not sure about the legality of offering liquor in mini mall parking lots.

Solution! Rent/Buy a limo (this is where your seed money can make the difference. If I can raise $5 from each of my Facebook friends, the Limo is ours), invite Jamba customers into the limo and…wait, I’m giving my entire business plan away. If you want to hear more, just send $5 to my PayPal account. I also accept Camel Bucks.

Jobs I’d Be Really Good At

Now that I am a freelancer, I realize I don’t just have to limit my earning potential to writing. I have many very marketable skills just waiting to be tapped.

• Talking like Christian Bale as Batman all the time (a daily lozenge per diem required).
• Taking walks on crisp autumn days. Will sip a warm Apple Cider if the position demands.
• Smelling freshly laundered towels.
• Punching ferrets in the face (fuck ferrets, man).

Hipster Dinosaurs

Brilliance from Molly Lewis.

Retro PSA: He-Man want to talk about your private parts.

Which is ironic because the swimsuit areas are the only places He-Man and She-Ra has deigned to cover. Also, there are rabbis on Eternia?

Why Books Suck

Yep, this pretty much sums it up.