Knock Knock. Who’s There? Dog Poop

From (MySonIsWeird) on Twitter:

DALTON: Knock, knock.
ME: Who’s there.
DALTON: A dog that poops cats
ME: (pause) A dog who poops cats who?
…DALTON: Isn’t that enough?

Luke Perry Finally Reunited with Biological Parents (Pic)

Did you know that Luke Perry was abandoned in the back alley of Denny’s by a progressive lesbian couple at age 3 and lived there, subsisting scraps off half-eaten Cajun waffle fries and half and half packets until a casting agent discovered him gnawing on ketchup packets? Feral and unable to speak English, Perry eventually became an acclaimed actor on the celebrated documentary series Beverly Hills 99657-7891. Only recently Perry discovered the very parents who sought fit to dump his little soul behind a Denny’s like so many Grand Slams™. Please enjoy this candid photo of a powerfully tearful reunion.

 

Via Videogum

How Heroes Are Made

@MySonIsWeird
DALTON: “How do people become good guys?

ME: “Different ways. How did you become one?”

DALTON: “My parents died on a trapeze.”

Kids Predict Future – More Unicorns and Robots for Hobos!!!

My kids know what the future holds and it. is. glorious. Also, lots of poopy pants in the future.

“How are those boobs working out for ya?”

You asked for it (well, Anna did). My 4-year-old son now has his own Twitter account to spread his wisdom to the Interwebs. It’s like Shit My Dad Says except funny and not fake. http://twitter.com/MySonIsWeird

A sample:

MySonIsWeird Cole Gamble

Dalton: (at a railroad crossing) “When I see the train, it gets my penis excited.”

The Zach Galifianakis Swimsuit Calendar

Beardless, glistening, sand-in-the-crotch. These pics are gonna make a lot of little girls and boys grow up overnight. You’re welcome, America.

This is What Phish Sounds Like (to People Who Hate Phish)

Just wait for Trey Pistachio to start singing.

Oh Yes, There is A Sexy Chewbacca Costume

Thanks to Halloween and seriously misplaced sexual impulses, I can bang a Wookie. And just for $240!

4 Bizarre Baby Halloween Costumes that Count as Child Abuse

Baby Hitler

Boy this reeks of trying too hard. If you’re looking for a way to tell the world, “I am way too edgy to be a parent” dressing your kid like Hitler will do the trick. Amazing attention to detail on the costume, though. That had to take 10’s of hours to make. Which means this kid’s mom or dad sat for a couple of late nights, stitching on swastikas and thinking, “this is gonna be so CUTE!”

Congrats, Baby Hitler, on winning the Douchebag Olympics, Parenting Division. Perhaps next year mom and dad will dress you as a cancerous tumor or genocide.

 

Alien Bursting out of a Chicken

Stick with a plan, people! Your child can’t be both the Fist Fighting Chicken from Family Guy and a victim of an Alien Chestburster. I swear, it’s like you guys start mixing up the blood syrup before you come up with a solid idea.

Michael Jackson

Is it just me, or has this year had an inordinate amount of really famous people dying? Looking at this Michael Jackson costume makes me realize we should expect to see a ton of Baby Patrick Swayzes, Baby Ted Kennedys and Baby Billy Mays’ on doorsteps this year. Stay classy, America.

Tree Air Freshener

No arm or leg holes? How is this not child abuse?

Edgar Allan Bro

Link: theinternettoday.net