Brendan Fraser Has Cancer (Probably)

…Or leukemia or fatal diareeia or Hitler AIDS or something. Surely Brendan Fraser must be dying of something wretched and racking up the medical bills, because nothing else explains what he’s done to his career. How else do you explain this latest news, Brendan Fraser will star in a “fish heist” movie called Whole Lotta Sole. Most of us still remember Furry Vengeance exists. I have no hate for Frasier and I’m seriously worried about him. So if you seem him on the street and he offers to shit his pants for a dollar, just give him the dollar–he really needs it.

 

News source: AV Club

Reminder: This is, Like, the Best Film Blog

Or site, or whatever. Just ‘case I never mentioned before, this is the best.

Matthew McConaughey To Star in AIDS Movie???

Don’t worry, y’all. I found this T cell.

Professional shirtless bongo player Matthew McConaughey is the latest Hollywood leading man attached to Dallas Buyer’s Club, a drama centering around a protagonist with AIDS. Make me a batch of frownies, LA Times:

The movie tells of Ron Woodroof, a heterosexual Dallas electrician who was diagnosed with AIDS in 1986, during some of the darkest days of the disease. Doctors gave him just a few months to live, but he refused to accept their prognosis. Instead, Woodroof created a smuggling operation for alternative treatments, then illegal, and got them into the hands of as many AIDS patients as he could. He wound up living six more years and saved or prolonged the lives of countless others.

Jesus, that guy sounds awesome. He was dying of AIDS and was STILL smuggling illegal drugs across the border and getting them to other patients like some sort of modern day, sickly Robin Hood? Yeesh. In a related story, one time I wrote a paper when I had a sinus infection. WHERE’S MY BIOPIC, TINSELTOWN?!

 

Check out FilmDrunk

SXSW Circa 1850

 

Source: Buzzfeed

Charlie Sheen’s New Cooking Show

Charlie Sheen might be unaware of many things, but there’s one thing Charlie Sheen gets: Charlie Sheen. Also, the Charlie Sheen meme is over.

Japanese Spiderman Way Cooler Than Regular Spiderman

Japanese Spiderman is so much cooler than American Spiderman. Does American Spiderman have a machine gun? Does he cut cats in half? Can he control giant robots? I’m totally going as “Professor Monster” next Halloween.

 

Source: Cracked

Wedding Ring Brass Knuckles

Because every marriage is essentially a Fight Club for Two.

 

Finally someone found a good use for all those princess cut diamonds: pain! Okay, it’s not really brass, but what else do you call it?

 

Via CMYBacon

Anyone Lose an 80’s Mild Pop Star?

 

Source: futureclassicsoftheinternet)

New Cracked Article: The 15 Most Unintentionally Hilarious Bootleg Toys

You’re welcome, Earth.

The 15 Most Unintentionally Hilarious Bootleg Toys

Disney’s Menstruation Education Video from the 40’s

Walt Disney shrinks to microscopic size and pilots a mini sub on a light-hearted journey through the rides and attractions inside Annette Funnicello’s body. No, actually this is just a typically Disney-looking short film on some very atypical Disney material, maturing lady parts. If you ask me, this needed a lot more Daffy Duck.

Takeaways from this video:

“Cramps can bring you down. Stop your crying and go ride your pony!”

“Stop being constipated or you’ll upset your lady parts.”

“You can’t take hot showers while menstruating.”

“Would you just do yourself up at last so at least the WHOLE WORLD doesn’t have to know you’re menstruating! Those sweat pants might as well be a billboard saying, ‘I’m dirty on the inside.’ And that’s no way for a lady to behave.”

Old Ladies Slip into Bikini’s and Get Freaky Nasty with Power Tools

Guess it must be Friday. Also, hands off Clara. SHE’S MINE!

And it’s for a good cause.