Category Archives: Cracked

Stuff I wrote for Cracked.com.

The 6 Most Half Assed Attempts at Corporate Green Washing

For a person, “going green” is as simple as recycling more, wasting less and always, always, always behaving like an insufferable prick in social situations. But for a corporation, “going green” can be a much harder task that costs million of dollars, thousands of hours of manpower and often painful company-wide cutbacks.

Or, they can opt to do jack shit and just spend all of their money and effort convincing the public otherwise. This is what is referred to as “greenwashing,” and it works like this: Continue reading

Posted in Cracked | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

7 Common Survival Tactics (that Will Get You Killed)

Most of us like to think we’d make it through many life-threatening situations just fine. After all, you’ve seen the Discovery channel, you’ve watched disaster movies and you’ve got a good logical head on our shoulders. You should be just fine, right?

But that’s like thinking you’ll be good in a fight because you’ve watched a Jackie Chan movie; whatever “techniques” you think you’ve learned are more likely to get your dumb ass killed. Continue reading

Posted in Cracked | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

5 Clothing Innovations That Will be Annoying You Soon

There are certain inventions that really don’t evolve, and most clothing falls into that category. Sure, styles and fabrics change, but the shirt has been using the same basic design for centuries. A hunk of fabric with holes for your arms and head. It works just fine.

But the world is full of designers and inventors who need to pay the bills, and so they are busy trying to apply the latest technology to items of clothing that really, really don’t need it. Here are the awful fruits of their labors. Continue reading

Posted in Cracked, The Daily | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

7 Great Products for Telling the World You’re a Rich Prick

New article up on Cracked in which I help you to loathe rich people even more than you already do by showcase extravagant cat weddings, $12,000 erotic massages…for your car and a half million dollar dog house with retinal scanner security and 50-inch plasma TV.You’re welcome, collapse of society. Continue reading

Posted in Cracked | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment