Author Archives: cogamble

How I Write – a drunken, violent, yelling-filled guide to the aspiring writer

How much muse (alcohol) is enough muse? That’s particular to each individual writer, but as a rule of thumb I find once I start “losing time” the creative pump is adequately primed. What happens next is the magic of the craft. No writer can truly tell you what happens once they “get into the zone” but I can tell you I usually wake up in my underwear, shivering under my writer’s cot, my fists clutching glow wand and lottery tickets. Continue reading

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A Special Environmental Message from Mr. T

Hey sucka. That’s right, this is Mr. T. Yeah, I still exist. Mr. T’s taking a break from pitying fools and looking for paying work to yell at you about sustainability. What, you don’t think Mr. T knows about sustainability? Then you don’t know Mr. T. Here is some other stuff you don’t know about Mr. T:

• Many folk believe Mr. T’s name “B.A.” on the A-Team stands for Bad Attitude. It doesn’t. It stands for “Bees and Ants.” Mr. T thought his character should have the secret power to control bees and ants. NBC didn’t go for it, which is why Mr. T thinks NBC stands for “Never Be Considering” Mr. T’s suggestions. Continue reading

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Super Bowl XLVI Commentated by 19th Century English Dandy Lord Horatio Byron Fluttersby.

My word, what is this, my good fellows? Could this be a game of footsieball? Well, well. Why I could watch footsieball for a fortnight. Ee Gads! Continue reading

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The 5 Most Common Time Travel Mistakes

Ever since time travel was invented in the mid 1980’s, man has enjoyed the pleasures and stress-relieving benefits of bopping along the time stream. What better way to unwind after a hard day at office than to spend a few hours in that mystical land of “the past” where every day is a Renaissance fair? Time travel, however, is not a right but a privilege, and with that privilege comes great responsibility. With that in mind, whether this is your this is your first time “trippin’” or your 1,000th, we could all do well to refresh ourselves on the 5 most common time travel mistakes, the potential damages they pose against the space-time continuum and what you can do to avoid them. Continue reading

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Things People Won’t Say to Me Once I Own a Dragon

That I haven’t totally recovered in a kick ass way from the divorce.

Continue reading

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The Post in Which I Save the Environment

As it is I can’t stop huffing gasoline. Oh gasoline, you smell like rainbows. Continue reading

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People Who Make Terrible Things – Birth of the Cubicle

Like a Movie Scientist, Robert Propst began with the best of intentions. In the early 60’s, Propst, a young and talented designer who helped create such life saving devices as heart pumps, sought to improve the modern workplace. His intended solution: to promote the productivity, privacy, and health of workers everywhere. Also like a Movie Scientist, Propst’s creation became a monster. Continue reading

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Jokes My Four Year Old Recently Told Me

What did the giraffe say to the sky?

A: Get lost, buddy! Continue reading

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“Smear the Queer” and Why I Don’t Play Sports

When I was young I rarely engaged in sports. A fat kid who bruised easily, the only time I broke a sweat is when I leaned too close to the toaster oven waiting for my pizza bagels. I was so fat my parents had to rub Vaseline on my thighs to keep them from chaffing. I wish I had not just said/written that. Continue reading

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A Touchy Subject -or- Don’t Fear My Son’s Penis

Having a baby boy, we’ve come to find, is different than the demands of a baby girl. Adding that XY contribution, Dalton has brought a certain special brand of maleness to our home, especially lately for Dalton has taken to grabbing his junk.

A lot. Continue reading

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