9 “Sexy” (but Disturbing) Halloween Costumes

Usually when women whore it up get dressed up for Halloween, they choose costumes embodying the typical male fantasies: sexy pirate, sexy nurse, sexy pirate nurse, etc… I’m sure there’s even a sexy astronaut costume out there for those who get an erection every time they watch Deep Impact. But some “sexy” costumes, well they just–whoo boy–they’re just way off the mark.

The Sexy Snake Charmer

What You’re Trying to Say

“My penis is long and exotic. I also am funny.”

What You’re Actually Saying

“I know nothing about the Middle East. Plus my penis spits venom.”

Sexy Freddy Kreuger

What You’re Trying to Say

From the website: Your victims won’t have to fall asleep to make you their dream girl!

What You’re Actually Saying

“If by ‘dream’ you mean ‘slice your penis up like a carrot’ than yes, I am your dream girl.”

Sexy Bee Costume

What You’re Trying to Say

“BEE-have or I’ll slap you on the BEE-hind”

What You’re Actually Saying

“Hey, you wanna fuck a bee?”

Plug and Socket

What You’re Trying to Say

“I know how sex works.”

What You’re Actually Saying

“You stab the girl in the chest with your two-pronged penis, right?”

Sexy Indian

What You’re Trying to Say

“I’m Pocahontas. Get it? POKE-ahontas?”

What You’re Actually Saying

“Racial insensitivity really gets me off.”

Sexy Male Cop

What You’re Trying to Say

“I got fired by the force for too many ‘accidental discharges’.”

What You’re Actually Saying

“You wouldn’t happen to have a brother, would ya?”

Sexy Clown

What You’re Trying to Say

“I’d like to help you conquer you fear of clowns…

What You’re Actually Saying

…with my clown car-like vagina.”

Cherry Pie Eater

What You’re Trying to Say

“Heh, heh…read it again.”

What You’re Actually Saying

“You might as well call the police now. “

Sexy Nemo

What You’re Trying to Say

“I don’t get the point of sexy costumes.”

What You’re Actually Saying

“When you’re done fucking that bee, wanna fuck a fish?”

originally appeared on FunnyCrave