Irish Country Music FAIL – “He Drinks Tequila”

I’m not super up to date on Irish music, I’ll admit. My concept of Irish music is Enya plus that dancing-a-jig scene in Titanic where Kate Winslett gets down with those salt of the earth mick’s. In fact, I imagine the entire country of Ireland is just made up of all the poor people who died in Titanic, that includes that Super Mario-type Italian guy who gets crushed by a smokestack. In my mind Irish music is anything you can boil a potato to (ethnic humor!) And since the Irish are people (a people from which I may-or-may not partially descend, I don’t really care) I suppose they’re allowed to make any kind of music they want. Except that last statement is a lie. They should never make Country/Western music. Let Crystal Swing show you how not to do a thing.

BTW, this family is totally normal and there’s nothing creepy to see here. Move along.

Why they rented a party room at the Olive Garden to film their video is anyone’s guess. (yes, there are Olive Gardens in Ireland and they have awesome Irish Nachos.)

Now, I’m not interested in protected the soul of country music. The soul of coutnry music can continue to collect welfare, cash it’s unemployment checks at the Walmart, invest in scratch tickets and continue shoving crayons up it’s nose for all I care. Besides, creeping out the entire continent of Europe with song is David Hasselhoff’s job and the guy really needs a purpose in order to stay on the wagon.

Listen, just because something is garbage doesn’t mean it won’t matter if you make it super garbage. For instance, I hate everything about Larry the Cable Guy, but I don’t think the act would be improved if it were delivered by a wheelchair-bound cancer patient with Super AIDS of the face. So Irish people, feel free to going back to what you do best (I’d say it’s drinking but that’s racist and besides everyone knows Russian are the greatest drinkers). But leave the country music to the professionals like Toby Keith (CLASS ACT!) and that girl who used to be a man (you know who).

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