New article up at “America’s Favorite Comedy Website Under a Year Old” (mine doesn’t count as it began as a support group for depressed ferret breeders). Read some here, then finish it there.
The Late Night scrap-up has undoubtedly been one of the most fun public battles between multi-millionaires since John Jacob Astor and J.D. Rockefeller dueled on national radio with giant bags of money. But when the dust settles, our beloved Coco must find a new home and one particular network, Fox, is frothing at the mouth for the coup. What would a Foxy Conan look like, and should we care? Let’s weigh the pros and cons.
The Destruction of Jay Leno
Naturally, Jay Leno is already fading, or more specifically dying. As old folks develop dementia and mistake bottle caps for their heart medication, Jay’s audience will continue to literally decay. Add to that the splash and dazzle The Whitest Man in Television brings to the same time slot and Jay loses the last people without spastic bladders he had left. Sure, Conan’s draw will pull off of Letterman’s audience a bit too, but Letterman looks more than willing to take one for the team if it means sending Jay out to pasture to consummate his love to a 1937 Hudson Custom Eight (Jay Leno Car Jokes now ½ off!).
The Destruction of “Safe” Conan
Many Conie fans, the more fair-weathered variety, didn’t follow Conan to his new time slot afraid the Red One would sand off the rough edges, or neuter the Masturbating Bear so to speak, to appeal to a different audience. Since the debacle began, Conan’s never been funnier, culminating in his Most Expensive Sketch in history in which Conan bilked NBC for 1.5 million bucks with a Buggati Veyron and the full version of the Rolling Stones “Satisfaction.” The new Conan will kick so much ass he’ll rabbit punch Safe Conan’s nut sack in the face.
Fox’s Very Very Low Expectations
It’s been a long time since the Arsenio Hall Show gave Fox it’s first and only taste of minor late night television success. If Conan filmed his new Fox show alone, in his underwear from a seedy laundry mat while molesting an Elmo puppet he would still net more viewers in one night than the entire run of every Fox late night show since Arsenio combined.
His historical competition? Chevy Chase