I Pity the Fool Who Wastes Paper
Hey sucka. That’s right, this is Mr. T. Yeah, I still exist. Mr. T’s taking a break from pitying fools and looking for paying work to yell at you about sustainability. What, you don’t think Mr. T knows about sustainability? Then you don’t know Mr. T. Here is some other stuff you don’t know about Mr. T:
• Many folk believe Mr. T’s name “B.A.” on the A-Team stands for Bad Attitude. It doesn’t. It stands for “Bees and Ants.” Mr. T thought his character should have the secret power to control bees and ants. NBC didn’t go for it, which is why Mr. T thinks NBC stands for “Never Be Considering” Mr. T’s suggestions.
• Mr. T has a lovely baritone singing voice.
• Mr. T not only treats his mamma right, but yours too.
• And, Mr. T is all about sustainability.
For instance, when times were hard, Mr. T had to take his gold chains to the pawn shop. That’s called recycling. So listen up, fools, I want you to stop using so much paper. You think paper grows on trees? It does, but one day those trees are gonna get mad and fight back. Ever fought a tree? They fight dirty. You couldn’t even take a bonsai.
Mr. T’s gonna hit you right in the brain meat with some paper saving tips.
• Use both sides of the paper. Your paper got two sides, don’t it? If not take it back. You don’t need to be foolin’ with that one sided paper.
• Every now and then you got to pity a fool and you want to pity that fool with a little note saying, “I pity you, fool.” Don’t. Do what Mr. T does and pity that fool in person. It saves paper and is way more gratifying. If you just don’t have time for a face-to-face pitying, send an email,
TO: The Fool
Subject: I Pity You.
• Think before you print. Think, “Do I really need to print this? Is that Mr. T behind me about to put me into a headlock?” You betcha life, sucka.
• Don’t Mail, Email. Mr. T wants to introduce you to this thing called the Internet. You put your words into it and then lasers shoot those words into little pieces. The lasers carry your word bits across the world where they’re blasted into the eyeballs of some other dude. It’s like magic, except with less dragons. Internets are great. In fact, Mr. T likes Internets so much he’s got three of them at home.
So stay in school, drink your milk and stop wasting so much paper. Or else Mr. T knows where you live! And Mr. T could really use a place to stay if you got a fold-out.